On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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