"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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