I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
