yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
