i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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