Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just had sex bonerless
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
