is your mom at the bar?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
