i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
