I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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