I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
