I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
