She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
