Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
