sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
