Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
