He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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