I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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