Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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