I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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