I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
