like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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