Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
