A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
