its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
