Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
