She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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