yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
