just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
