Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
