He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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