no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
