so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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