lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
