My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
