not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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