I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
