My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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