I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
time to smoke my breakfast
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
