You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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