i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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