not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
