Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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