We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
