and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
