Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
