Porn is love you can see.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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