i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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