pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
