this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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