somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
