If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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