There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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