Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
