I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
